I remember when 2000 seemed far, far away. What would the 21st century even be like? Mobile phones & the World Wide Web and trips to Mars? Yes, indeed.
2023 seemed to fly by at rocket speed. Maybe it’s being at a job I love, not always having a backup plan, or wondering if I’ll be the next one “let go” or longing for something more. I found it. I’m enjoying my part time work and getting off at 3PM to get my kids from school.
If I could have dreamed up a paying job for myself it would be: teaching yoga, some creative outlet, writing, in the health/ wellness industry & getting off at 3:00pm to get kiddos from school.
Check. I get to teach yoga, spearhead our marketing/ event planning and work on the guest relations team for a holistic counseling and wellness business less than 10 minutes from my house. AMAZING!!
My work and working environment have had a HUGE role in my mental health shift. Freeing some mental head space for other tasks than answering a cell phone 24/7 or being at someone’s beck and call.
Which is the perfect segue into my BEST of 2023, Practices & Personal Growth:
I joined a codependency support group. “Hello, my name is Stefani and I’m a codependent.” It has been an eye opening radical slap in the face. To see yourself in black and white. Check all of the boxes, yes- I am all of it.
It was rough at the beginning. Sad. Heavy. A lot of work. Hard, face the facts, be honest with yourself, WORK. But, I’ve learned a lot. Changed a lot. I’m learning to throw myself in with all the people and sweet loves that I extend grace & kindness too. Me, now too, I deserve compassion & patience. Learning to say, NO. To not reply. To speak up. To listen to my inner voice and what I NEED… (more on all this later) But, it was a lovely group and I’ve signed for the spring too… More gut wrenching honesty to come.
I started taking care of my lymphatic system through lymphatic drainage massage, face brushing and morning lymph work. I took a workshop with Alaina Messer, and I was sold. I immediately felt like I was doing something so wonderful and gentle and kind, but still amazing for myself. This was the exact opposite of a HIIT workout or exfoliating with abrasive cleansers or any of the extreme, harsh ways we are forceful with our bodies. Hello, running I’m looking at you.
We want beautiful skin so we inject, peel, burn and buy $200 face cream. No. Not me. Sorry. I loved how the face brushing makes me slow down, look in the mirror and see myself. And the results. This was my doorway to full body lymphatic care.
I got laser hair removal. Should have done it sooner. ( Just if you’re on the fence, that’s my two cents)
While I’m not 100% embracing going gray, I quit dying my wild short hairs around my face dark brown, and started my relationship with face-framing blonde/ gray/ lightening. It’s still hard sometimes to not see the dark haired, fair skin girl I expect to be looking back at me in the mirror.
While I not feeling that 43 is THAT old, 2020 and Isabella’s death brought the grays in pretty heavy that I had been keeping away for years. But I had never known a grief that thick or unrelenting or enveloping in my entire life.
I also added stopped getting my nails done, began doing more sauna and red light therapy sessions, added an amazing B complex to my vitamin regimen, and started drinking matcha in the afternoon. These are tiny life-giving , spirit lifting things 2023 brought.
I took a lot of walks in 2023, and remembered the peace and grounding that can be found in a simple walk outdoors or restorative yoga. You don’t have to be sweating buckets, gritting your teeth in pain, or push past your personal limits to be doing something amazing for yourself… (save the extreme sweat sesh for the sauna.)
My dad’s lymphoma returned and my parents spent over six weeks at MD Anderson in Houston. It has been sobering and challenging for us all as a family- my mother, sisters, brother and myself. Lots of feelings, thoughts, emotions, texts, phone calls and tears. I am going to visit them today, New Years Day, 2024 for the first time since they’ve returned home from this hospital stay, December 1st.
My kids are needing me less and less. Little humans who can do a lot on their own, besides prepare their own foods, find their shoes or drive themselves to school/ activities. I read to them less in 2023 and let them read on their own. Parks are now “baby-ish” (when they don’t want to be there). But each stage has its own newness that I love.
Playing a Monopoly game that lasts for days, letting them help me cook, watching them learn about our world, and themselves and explain things to me from science that I’ve long forgot. Taking walks together, planting flowers, watching the sunrise on the beach- these are sweet memories I will hold forever. And I’m so grateful to get to have a front row seat to get to watch them grow.
My seven-year old son told me this year “If you lay in the hammock in the backyard & close your eyes you can pretend the sound of traffic passing by is the ocean waves.”
He is so wise. He’s a homebody and a gentle soul and empathetic like his mother. He’s taught me it’s okay to just be home. To have no plans. To find peace and even comfort just resting (at home!). In 2024 I want to stop more. QUIT busying myself with laundry and dusting and rearranging and the stuff of life that there will always be more of to day.
Sometimes I will organize my sock drawer to avoid sitting with my thoughts… But I’m trying to pause more. To inhale the salty ocean air & exhale the negative chatter ping-ponging around inside my mind. Sending it out into the crashing waves, even if it is just in the hammock in the backyard. Because we live here, 50 weeks a year, not in some tropical, stress free, vacation destination.
So much LOVE!